What am I thinking? Who do I think I am that I can bike 70 miles a day with a ton of hills? I'm not sure. Some days I think I am still the 350 lb girl and other times I think I am some 110 lb athlete. But, I'm neither. I am a 169 lb middle aged woman.
Tomorrow I am supposed to ride 45 miles from Lake Stanley Draper to Norman and back. It is filled with major hills. My sister can't go so I will be going it alone with other strangers that show up for this training ride. What if I get lost again or what if I can't keep up and fall behind. What if we have a thunder storm? I am really scared of lightening. It is supposed to rain all day with a chance of storms.
Somehow I have to muster up the confidence to do this ride. I have to dig down deep and make it up those hills to prove to myself that I can do this. Why? I'm really not sure but I have a need to conquer this. Maybe I have some sort of sick need for approval. Maybe life is tough sometimes and doing this kind of stuff is like running away temporarily and the pain numbs me in some weird way.
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I know you can do it, look how far you have come. You just have to have faith in yourself. I know you have a ton of people standing behind you yelling, "Go Amy," now just starting yelling at yourself! I am so proud of you! You are such an inspiration to me! Love and miss ya!
ReplyDeleteOh Gena you are the best!!! I really needed the encouragement. I just hit a low spot. Its always like that with new goals. You want something with all your heart but then when the work part comes you start backing down. I made myself do it and it turned out GREAT! Thanks!
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